Kara O'Neal
  • Home
  • Books
  • About
  • Blog
  • Coming Soon
  • Newsletter
  • The Story Continues

Monday Memories: Not The Right "Fit"

1/2/2023

1 Comment

 
Picture
As I'm trying to get through fourth grade, including math, which just about destroyed me, I'm also trying to understand what's happening with my classmates.

Girls started to have boyfriends. And all the girls cared about their clothes so much. I had no idea how to keep up with them, and I was trying to figure out how to fit in without giving in.

I was astounded that the girls even knew about fashion. That they knew how to curl their hair. And used hairspray. And make-up.

How'd they learn that? When did they learn that?

I wasn't ready to care about boyfriends, fashion trends, or spending the weekends at the mall. I mean, we were only nine and ten years old. Doesn't that seem a little young to you to be worried about this stuff?
Nevertheless, it was happening. I didn't know how to ask my mom to help me, and I really didn't want to. And because I didn't want to fit myself into the clothes or their unmentioned club, I had nowhere to go.

And while the boys -- and my childhood crush -- sometimes let me play kickball, dodgeball, or baseball, I could tell I was doing the wrong thing. I lived in a constant state of anxiety -- Would the boys let me play with them at recess? If not, would they girls let me into their circle since I hadn't yet conformed to their way of doing things?

School became even harder to attend. It was a place that wasn't safe for me. I couldn't be who I wanted to, and I had no friends. Not really.

So, now, my dislike of school is no longer funny. It's just sad. Because while my teachers still plagued me with mind-numbing assignments and lectures, what was worse was the social ostracization. 

I got really quiet that year. Really, really quiet.

I watched. And I tried to learn.

But...still...I spent most of my fourth grade year on my own.

I'm sorry for the sad post, but, it's what happened. We all have those times that are harder, and we can't deny they happened. We also can't use them as a reason to ALWAYS be sad. But that is something I learned as I got older. (And it's also for another post.)

I can tell you that I'm just fine now, that things did get better. But it took a few years, because, you know, I'm stubborn.
1 Comment

    Kara O'Neal

    An author who has too much to say is dangerous.

    The subjects on this blog:


    Monday Memories -- My Childhood

    Wednesday Words -- Books!

    To be a guest on my blog:

    Contact: kara@karaoneal.com

    Monday Memories: Cast

    Kara -- Me
    Maria -- sister
    Wendy -- sister
    Bill -- brother

    M'Lynn -- mother
    Drummond -- father

    Grace -- mother's redheaded friend
    Liam -- Grace's husband
    Gorgeous (Georgie) -- oldest son and friend
    Phillip -- middle son and friend
    Andrew -- last child and friend

    Jo -- mother's "big idea" friend
    Noah -- Jo's husband who builds things
    Jack -- oldest son and friend
    Roxi -- middle daughter and friend
    Lela -- last child and friend

    Alex -- friend who travels the country and lives in Dallas
    Blossom -- friend who lives in Dallas and sells houses

    Miss Holly -- next door neighbor
    Kirk -- middle son
    Scotty -- youngest son

    Lou -- uncle on my dad's side who likes baseball
    Evaline -- my dad's sister who's crazy funny
    Luke -- oldest son and my cousin
    Han -- younger son and my cousin

    Clark -- my mother's brother who bleeds maroon

    Alexander -- my eldest cousin on my dad's side

    Dawn -- cousin on my dad's side that is the same age as Maria

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    November 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    September 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    April 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014

    RSS Feed

    This blog updates during the week.
Proudly powered by Weebly